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I'm getting married in two years and I hope my vows are as sweet as those were. Nonsense ur skin is makup. Thank you. I got so much inspiration from this video! Congratulations! 🎉. In the immortal words of Robert Plant: Sing as you raise your bow, Shoot straighter than before. No comfort has the fire at night That lights the face so cold. Oh dance in the dark of night, Sing to the mornin' light. The magic runes are writ in gold To bring the balance back, bring it back. This is a writeup largely based on my latest youtube video bridging marriage counseling and Red Pill: Balancing Alpha and Beta: Reconciling Red Pill Praxeology and Mainstream Marriage Counseling. This video summarizes Gottman techniques ("Beta") and then summarizes Red Pill techniques ("Alpha"). Both sets of tools are useful depending on your circumstances, the state and type of your relationship and where you fall in the Alpha/Beta balance. Of course this varies every damn day of the month but nobody ever said the game we were given was set on easy mode. I have been Coaching men and the women who love them for a couple of years now and have learned a thing or two about maintaining a marriage over the long term. The key to a good marriage can be summarized in a single word: BALANCE. On the one hand we have discovered The Red Pill. We have opened our eyes to the ‘real world’ and all of its horrors. We know that men and women are different, that they have different sexual strategies, different desires, different things they find attractive in the other sex, different behaviors, and very different emotional responses. We know about hypergamy, Alpha Fucks/Beta Bucks, and the fact that #Believewomen would be a hilarious lie were it not so pernicious and dangerous. We know about the Pence Rule (don’t just avoid fishing in the company pond, avoid women entirely at work and never, ever be alone with a woman from work). Via Red Pill we have learned that women like to screw just as much as men but they typically only like to screw bad ass men who take no prisoners and are willing to calmly and deliberately call out their bad behavior. On the other we have the mainstream advice columnists, marriage counselors, therapists, and an assortment of “blue pill professionals” determined to push the party line of equality, equalitarianism, and “women want a NIIIIIIICE guy” to settle down with so buy her things. Lots and lots of things. Also, don’t raise your voice, stand up to her, or deny her anything. Ever. Does it feel sometimes like women want the impossible? It is true. If you just listen to what women say it becomes clear they want “Fried Ice. ” Fortunately, we don’t just listen to what women say, we watch what they do. When you leave the house after an argument and refuse to engage, women and the whole crowd pile on to call this “abusive. ” They whine that it is manipulative. When you stand up for yourself and ORDER your woman to stop her bad behavior and then follow it up with actual consequences, they decry this as antithetical to a happy marriage. You know what else they do when a man starts standing up for himself and no longer tolerates intolerable behavior? That’s right, they fuck him into a coma! So…if she SAYS be nicccce and kind and sweet and buy me flowers and then when you do those things she doesn’t want to have sex. THEN you stand up for yourself and tell her to knock it off she wants to have sex later that night which do you think you should listen too? The words or the behaviors? In my experience, the lie that ends most marriages is the lie that men and women are interchangeable and the same. Women expect men to be weepy, emotional, indecisive women after the wedding who stops leading (that would be “narcissistic” don’t you know) who constantly asks them what they want to do- and then they are disgusted and deeply turned off by the man who acts like a woman. They are frustrated that this is what they are supposed to “like” and then when they get it, they recoil in anger and frustration- even rage. Men expect women to be “equal” and logical. They are told that you should “discuss” things with your wife all the time. Emote, show emotion. Listen intently and don’t try to solve her problems. Don’t minimize her feelings! Basically, be her girlfriend. Again, women are disgusted and deeply turned off by this behavior that every magazine, every woman’s group, and almost every relationship book ever written demands. They are turned off because of the lie society has told us! The lie that women and men are the same. Except for one problem. Women are NOT men. Men are NOT women. Women want strong men, leaders, who are badass, and take no prisoners. Sure, they say they want weepy, whiny little manboys who emote and refrain from solving their problems but just listen carefully and tell her: “That sucks. ” Sure, listening works- if you are already a badass. It doesn’t work so much when you take a metrosexual type guy who is already in touch with his emotions and try to “fix” the woman’s growing disgust and loss of sexual arousal by turning him into her gay, sexless friend. I think this is why marriage counseling has an 80% failure rate- it only works (marginally) for the badass guys who are not emotional enough. The goal of “therapy” is to get the man to get in touch with his emotions and to “listen. ” It works for the guys who need to get in touch with their emotions and who need to listen more. For the rest of us guys, most of us, it is toxic advice- because it is predicated on a lie. First you have to define the problem. If you are not getting sex, just “Alpha Up” right? Seems easy enough. Develop your frame. Set your boundaries. Enforce them. Lead. Pursue your own self-interest. Screw her good and hard like a cave man. It’s what we focus on almost exclusively on MRP. No problems! Except it is not quite that simple. I hate to break the news to you guys but marriage is not all fun and games and it is not all about sex. Mostly, but not all. **Short term behaviors that get you laid are not always conducive to a long- term marriage. ** Please reread that sentence again because it is important. It is the primary difference between r/Theredpill and r/Marriedredpill. In the same way, short term behaviors that provide comfort and Beta-dom to your woman are rarely conducive to having awesome and hot sex in a marriage or out. Sure, you might get a pity frack now and then but chances are, if you are on the twice a month plan then your Alpha quotient is not high enough. The key to upping the Alpha is to ALSO up the Beta. Want to be stronger? Then you should also show more of your compassionate side. Want to lead more? A good leader listens to his followers! Want to be more dominant in bed? A dom understands that his duty is to the sub and her welfare and that requires emotional connection and attunement. That means the key to upping the Beta is to ALSO up the Alpha. Want to be more sensitive and caring? Then you should also be more decisive and lead more often. Want to have tender, gentle sex? Then throw her against the wall and kiss her roughly. Then throw her on the bed, jump on top, and slowwwwwwwllly play with her body until she is squirming and panting. NO problem! We will get right on it. What if you have become unbalanced? What if you were a Beta slug your whole marriage and then one day after a google search for “Why doesn’t’ my wife want to have sex with me” you discover the Red Pill and it works! You manned up, and started to really Alpha up… the sex got better for a while. In fact it got a whole lot better- thank you very much, Rollo! Then it happened. Her whining started to increase. The festering anger in her voice grows and grows. What do you do? Red Pill preaches us to “Alpha Up” and DNGAF and STFU. Guys do that and it usually turns around the sex! That must mean we should do more of it, right? Wrong! Remember, the key is BALANCE. If the sex isn’t happening then work on some Alpha behaviors but don’t completely cut out your Beta behaviors! We call this “Going Rambo” and it is a real problem. When guys have followed the Blue Pill plan for a while and have been cruelly taunted and disrespected and denied sex, often for years if not decades, they tend to go crazy when they discover the Red Pill. They discover that being a bit of a dick turns women on so what do they do? Do they stay “a little bit” of a dick? Nope! They turn into critical, cynical, bitchy women whining about everything their wife does. She is screwing you a lot more often now because you have discovered that avoiding an emotional connection, dread game, and STFU has a powerful effect on women. (SHHHHH, don’t tell anybody but it lubes them up for some reason). However, there is an optimal line between Alpha Asshole and Beta Schlub that is murky and different for every relationship. Hell, it is different every day of the damn month but with a little attentiveness you can find the line. Where is that line? It is actually pretty easy to spot if you step back and pay attention to her behavior. (Did I mention that women really, really like it when a man pays attention to them). Don’t listen to her words for content but DO listen to her words for emotional affect. There is a huge difference between her calling you an “asshole” and calling you an “asshole. ” The same word means different things in a different context and you can usually easily tell by the tone. One is a harsh and angry criticism while the other is a warm, comfortable complaint in the incessant manner of many women. If you can step back and objectively determine that you are the asshole then maybe it is time to walk it back a little. This is where you can work on your “Blue Pill” methods for marriage improvement. By “Blue Pill” I am referring to the tactics in famed marriage counselor John Gottman’s methodology. The Gottman Method is based on observation of successful couples and I have done several videos describing his methods and effectively “Red Pilling” Gottman but his strategies definitely work if applied at the right time and in the right situation: THE GOTTMAN METHOD Build love maps by exploring your partners inner world. Be interested in her history and her life story. I always ask my guys: Why did you marry this woman? I remind them how entertaining her drama really is- and was earlier in the relationship. You remember that time when you were having sex 5 times a week. They just might be related! Share fondness, appreciation and admiration/avoid the 4 horsemen of the divorce apocalypse: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness and Stonewalling- by expressing and feeling appreciation and respect. Turn towards your woman instead of turning away. Be positive. Assume good intentions. Avoid harsh startups to conversations. Use “I” words and not “You” words: “I want us to get along better” vs. “You stop being a bitch. ” For guys, one leadership strategy is that when possible use “Us” and “We” words instead of “I” words and use them authoritatively and directionally. Make it about you and her against the world: “We are going on vacation in February to Florida” vs. “I am going on vacation. ” Be sensitive to Bids for attention from your partner and regular offer bids for attention from you to her. aka- reset every 24 hours. In contrast, to the typical marriage counselor’s beta-ization program, the Red Pill prescription offers an Alpha up program with some of the following tactics: RED PILL TACTICS Dread Game: Be a man with options. Outcome independence: Sex is great and you want it- but you don’t NEED it, at least from her. It’s like asking a girl to dance. If you walk up to her shivering and stuttering “would you, would you like, uhmmm, you know, ummm, to dance with me” then it is not going to work all that well. If you walk up to her and take her hand with a confident “let’s dance” your chances are much, much higher. Now, how do you suppose the girl reacts when you start whining and crying when she says “no. ” Yes, it works the same way in marriage. It is a gigantic turn off. Don’t do it. DNGAF: The key to Outcome Independence- and the key to happiness in life. Just don’t give a fuck. STFU: The key to most men having a happy marriage. They talk and talk, just like the marriage counselors recommend and their balance is tipped HEAVILY to the Beta. They do this when their balance is ALREADY tipped heavily to the Beta. If they just shut up, it tips the balance over to the Alpha. Yes, it really is that simple. Be attractive, don’t be unattractive: The ultimate key to vaginal access and fulfillment right their guys. The problem is that we need Red Pill to determine what women actually find attractive (Hint: It’s not begging, whining, desperate, or angry). This includes lifting weights, and not being a filthy slob or lazy troll. Not really a high bar these days. Lead her to a better place. If a woman will follow your direction, in most cases she will be more than happy to screw you on demand. If she won’t follow your direction then you need to work on your leadership- or work on finding better followers. Understand Seduction and Kino: Instigate, Isolate, Escalate, using touch to get your woman used to being touched by you and ready for sex with you. WHAT IF YOU ARE OUT OF BALANCE? If you have gone a bit Rambo towards the Red Pill side then the sex is probably improved and you are probably motivated to become even more “Red Pill. ” However, if she is increasingly avoiding you or acting bitchy and/or sullen when you are around, then you may just need some more warmth and compassion in your marriage- blue pill style! Study up on Gottman and work on your “sound relationship house” before going any further. Take her in your arms and whisper sweet nothings in her ear. Then bend her over and take her like a cave man. TLDR: If you are too Beta as evidenced by a low sex/low desire marriage then add some Alpha but decrease the Beta sparingly. If you are too Alpha, as evidenced by a somewhat high sex/high desire marriage but the woman is still acting frustrated and angry (and probably whining about your narcissism) then add some Gottman style “Beta. ” If you need any help with these concepts and straightening out your marriage then get in contact with me. I am having ridiculous levels of success helping guys, and women, restore their marriages. It’s not that I am so good it’s that what I do is based on the reality where we all live, and not the fantasy world we learned in graduate school. Edit: New Video, same ideas, better audio. Dr. Dave Peters, JD, MS, PHD Board Certified Life Coach Candidate; Attorney at Law; Domestic Relations Mediator Web: Email:.

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